The past year or so has seen quite a number of challenges for me in my life and some of these challenges have been health issues.
Back in about 1997 or so I was diagnosed with Asthma and over the years I have got by with just 1 inhaler, now however I am on 2 inhalers and just the other week I was on steroids for 5 days because my breathing had got really bad and still is but it is being dealt with.
BUT the biggest challenge for me now is one that outweighs anything that I personally have faced in myself, on Sunday 23rd February 2014 I had an appointment to see a Doctor about a lump on my nose I was referred by my GP for this. Kerry (My wife) and I drove to the clinic and waited to be called, after a few minutes wait a doctor called me in and Kerry and I both went into the room and sat down, the Doctor introduced himself and was very warm in welcoming Kerry and I to the clinic.
The Doctor then spoke to me about the lump on my nose examined it and then spoke to me in terms only Doctors speak which is words I could not pronounce never mind spell, until he then said “In plain English Mr Dickson you have a form of Skin Cancer” after those words were spoken I put my hand on Kerry’s knee and she gripped my hand knowing that I had been shaken by what had just been said to me, the few minutes after that I have no idea what was said because although I could see the doctors lips move I was hearing no words it was just like you see on the t.v where everything goes weird and you have no idea what is going on.
Once I had got myself together I heard the doctor say that the lump would be removed and analysed and I would have a bit of plastic surgery to sort whatever hole is left and he would see if the nurse on duty was able to do it there and then, the doctor asked us to go out into the waiting area and he would have the nurse come and see me which she done and she said that she was not able to do anything for me that day so I have been referred to another hospital for the removal and subsequent plastic surgery.
Once we left the hospital Kerry asked if I was ok I told her I was scared and Kerry asked me if I had expected that diagnosis and I told her I had not, the mere thought of Skin Cancer had never crossed my mind, I had hoped it was maybe because I had pulled a hair out or as Kerry suggested to me that it was “A Plook” (For the non-Scots that’s a spot or zit to you), on the drive home I had so many thoughts running through my head and while I was chatting to Kerry about it she said “You can say the word Cancer you know it’s not like you are saying Voldemort” (for anyone that knows my wife she has a wonderful way of bringing me back to reality and its something I’ve always loved about her).
Am I scared? Yes i’m bloody terrified you hear THAT word and it is terrifying without a doubt and even though people have been saying “It’s ok you’ll be fine plenty people go through this” it really does not make it any easier and I know folk are trying to be nice and it’s really appreciated but I can’t help how my brain feels about this.
Now anyone reading this may wonder why I’ve written this and the truthful answer is i’m not really sure myself but I felt I needed to record this in writing to hopefully make myself feel better about this with any luck.
I now have to wait for the appointment and even though I have a few other health issues and have had issues over the years this is the one that has really scared me, I really hope no-one thinks I am being melodramatic or a wee drama queen because I am not I am genuinely frightened of this but hopefully all will be ok for me and my family very soon.
I decided to write this also because there as so many people out there have bee asking how I got on at the hospital on Sunday that I needed to reply but have waited a few days to let it all sink in before letting everyone know what’s going on so sorry if I have not been in touch but hope you can understand why and this is not me looking for any sympathy or anything like that this is an outlet for me to put my frustrations down in writing.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.