Tough Times

The past year or so has seen quite a number of challenges for me in my life and some of these challenges have been health issues.

Back in about 1997 or so I was diagnosed with Asthma and over the years I have got by with just 1 inhaler, now however I am on 2 inhalers and just the other week I was on steroids for 5 days because my breathing had got really bad and still is but it is being dealt with.

BUT the biggest challenge for me now is one that outweighs anything that I personally have faced in myself, on Sunday 23rd February 2014 I had an appointment to see a Doctor about a lump on my nose I was referred by my GP for this. Kerry (My wife) and I drove to the clinic and waited to be called, after a few minutes wait a doctor called me in and Kerry and I both went into the room and sat down, the Doctor introduced himself and was very warm in welcoming Kerry and I to the clinic.

The Doctor then spoke to me about the lump on my nose examined it and then spoke to me in terms only Doctors speak which is words I could not pronounce never mind spell, until he then said “In plain English Mr Dickson you have a form of Skin Cancer” after those words were spoken I put my hand on Kerry’s knee and she gripped my hand knowing that I had been shaken by what had just been said to me, the few minutes after that I have no idea what was said because although I could see the doctors lips move I was hearing no words it was just like you see on the t.v where everything goes weird and you have no idea what is going on.

Once I had got myself together I heard the doctor say that the lump would be removed and analysed and I would have a bit of plastic surgery to sort whatever hole is left and he would see if the nurse on duty was able to do it there and then, the doctor asked us to go out into the waiting area and he would have the nurse come and see me which she done and she said that she was not able to do anything for me that day so I have been referred to another hospital for the removal and subsequent plastic surgery.

Once we left the hospital Kerry asked if I was ok I told her I was scared and Kerry asked me if I had expected that diagnosis and I told her I had not, the mere thought of Skin Cancer had never crossed my mind, I had hoped it was maybe because I had pulled a hair out or as Kerry suggested to me that it was “A Plook” (For the non-Scots that’s a spot or zit to you), on the drive home I had so many thoughts running through my head and while I was chatting to Kerry about it she said “You can say the word Cancer you know it’s not like you are saying Voldemort” (for anyone that knows my wife she has a wonderful way of bringing me back to reality and its something I’ve always loved about her).

Am I scared? Yes i’m bloody terrified you hear THAT word and it is terrifying without a doubt and even though people have been saying “It’s ok you’ll be fine plenty people go through this” it really does not make it any easier and I know folk are trying to be nice and it’s really appreciated but I can’t help how my brain feels about this.

Now anyone reading this may wonder why I’ve written this and the truthful answer is i’m not really sure myself but I felt I needed to record this in writing to hopefully make myself feel better about this with any luck.

I now have to wait for the appointment and even though I have a few other health issues and have had issues over the years this is the one that has really scared me, I really hope no-one thinks I am being melodramatic or a wee drama queen because I am not I am genuinely frightened of this but hopefully all will be ok for me and my family very soon.

I decided to write this also because there as so many people out there have bee asking how I got on at the hospital on Sunday that I needed to reply but have waited a few days to let it all sink in before letting everyone know what’s going on so sorry if I have not been in touch but hope you can understand why and this is not me looking for any sympathy or anything like that this is an outlet for me to put my frustrations down in writing.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

Barry

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7 thoughts on “Tough Times

  1. Hi Barry
    Sorry to hear about this, I can understand how shocked you must be feeling. Writing things down is a really good way to get some of the shock out of your system, humans need time to adjust and then begin to accept and address news like this…you’ve got a lovely partner there in Kerry and I’m sure you’ve got good doctors! I’ve been enjoying reading your tweets and all since last summer, and I have such funny memories of you at LWW , you’re probably not too different now! I’m thinking about you anyway so take care of you and your family xox Elise x

  2. I’m glad you felt that you could share with us, and I hope it has indeed made you feel less frustrated. I’ve had several brushes with ‘maybe’ cancer, but never the actual word realized, so I can’t say for sure how I would feel, but I do know how scared I was about ‘maybe’ cancer. Did Kerry write down anything, or can you remember what type of cancer? Skin cancer can vary from almost not even being cancer to a worst case scenario type. A lady at work just went through this last year and her doc basically skimmed off the layers of skin required to remove and then she just needed a cream. That’s the most mildest form and usually on the face (gets the most sun exposure). Please let us know, and I know it doesn’t help but try not to worry. If the nurse was going to take it off then and there, I think that’s a good sign.

  3. Oh Barry, I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. Cancer seems to be in every family, everywhere. I’m glad Kerry was there when you got the news, it’s not a time to be alone, after a shock like that. Just stay positive and truly believe that once the “plook” (love that) is removed, that will be the end of cancer for you.

    Keep writing what you’re thinking and feeling, it helps later on when you try to remember details and it also releases stress.

    You are all in my heart and in my prayers.

    Debbie

  4. Barry, I hope you know there is a lot of people ( me being one ) that will be with you and Kerry all the way, thinking about you and will be in our thoughts and prayers ( what ever you think about that )! It is good to put your thought down, better than having them going around in your head.
    Take care…. and we/I will be here any time you feel the need to think out loud.
    There is a lot of people caring about you. xxx

  5. Hey Bazza, you’re bound to be feeling worried, scared and panicky about this. As soon as the ‘C’ word is mentioned (and no, I don’t mean the naughty one that you use lol) by a doctor, your entire life tends to flash in front of you and you start to imagine the worst. I’ve been in your situation twice and both times all I thought was ‘Oh god, I’m not ready to leave my son’, even though the doctors never once mentioned my life span! And just 2 years ago I had skin cancer which had been misdiagnosed by my doctor for nearly 5 years! Thankfully the treatment worked and I’m all ok now. But I just wanted to say that we all deal with things in different ways and writing about it can be very therapeutic, so type away as much as you like. You’ve got a great family and a great wife for support, that’s a tonic in itself! I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to worry. Go get your treatment, get stitched up and patched up and take it from there. I’m sure you’ll be fine mate. I’ll be thinking of you and sending you good vibes for a positive (and quick) outcome. It might seem like everything is happening all at once but the one consolation is that all these things are actually being diagnosed (and treated). Good luck and big hugs. Will be looking out for updates from you and wishing you well 🙂 xx

  6. oh barry words cant tell you how my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this upsetting time . Kerry is a strong wife and will be there for you keep positive friend lv cathy xx

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